Rules I'll Have When I'm Married (Part 1)

I should probably warn at the beginning that I like rules, especially when I'm the one that makes them, and this may be Part 1 of many. As in, more than 20. On with the inaugural "Rules I'll Have When I'm Married" Post (Bathroom Flavour).

Rule 1: Toilet Seat Down Always

Lately, I have been considering the 'toilet seat' problem. Should the seat go up or down? Men want to be lazy and not have to put it down. Women want the path of least resistance when they might be busting to go (those pelvic floor muscles aren't what they used to be after a couple of kids, you know).


So I've been rationalising trying to explain why this rule is so important, and this is what I've come up with: women (as in I) will always need the toilet seat down, right? (Discounting gastro or morning sickness, of course). And men (my husband) need the toilet seat up sometimes and down sometimes, depending on 1s or 2s. So obviously the seat should go down more often - 3 out of 4 scenarios require the seat down!


Rule 2: Squeeze Toothpaste From The Bottom


Or buy your own and hide it from me. Because squeezing it from the middle or top is not only messier, but wastes time when you're near the end of the tube. Prior preparation prevents poor performance. If ye are prepared ye shall not fear. Prepare for a future scarcity of toothpaste in your tube by squeezing from the bottom.


Rule 3: Toilet Paper Goes Over


Any other way is gross unless you're trying to stop pets from unravelling the whole roll. And for real, what are pets doing in your bathroom? Also, I only buy Quilton white-on-white patterns. Preferably 3-ply. Please don't buy any cheap toilet paper that falls apart or is not soft. It just means I'll have to drive to the shops again, and find someone I don't like, so I can get rid of the gross paper.


And that might be all my 'bathroom' quirks (or neuroticisms if you want to be picky). I like a towel on the floor, and I hate when the bathroom gets swamped from people neglecting to use a shower curtain properly. My next series of Rules will focus on ... the bedroom. Or the kitchen. Or something else you suggest in the comments that could be interesting.